If Today
by SmokeyTV
Summary: Nick helps Sara with some unanswered questions after her kidnapping. Not a ship story.


**For the sixth installment of the Talk CSI Nick Fic Song Challenge. The inspiration was the song "If Today Was Your Last Day" by Nickleback. **

**It's really not as good as I would have liked for it to have turned out...but there it is. :-) It's just something that I'm sure must have happened in some way, shape, or form, even if they didn't show it on the show.  
**

If Today

"When are we gonna talk about this?"

Nick looked up from the book he was reading to see Sara Sidle standing in the break room doorway. "I don't know. I've been waiting for you," he answered. He put the book down and leaned forward on the couch. "Are you ready now?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I am," she replied.

It had been seven weeks since Nick had run to Sara's side as she lay dying in the desert. He hadn't seen her much during her recovery, as it seemed she always had a constant stream of visitors. Grissom was ever-present as well, and with their relationship now out in the open, things seemed a little awkward even after Sara had returned to work, despite her move to the swing shift.

So Nick had kept his distance. But he knew this day would come. He knew because he had been through it before, and the biggest thing he had found lacking in his recovery was being able to talk to someone who truly understood what he was experiencing. There had been no one there like that for him. But he could be that person for Sara.

Nick had waited, knowing that it had to be Sara who initiated the conversation. It was something that came in stages after an experience like that. At first everyone wanted you to talk about it, but you only wanted to forget it. Then when _you_ were ready to talk about it, it seemed that everyone else wanted to forget it. But Nick knew…the victims never forget.

Sara met Nick as planned at a small downtown park near the lab. They had a few hours of overlap between their shifts, so they walked through the trees and flower lined paths until they found a picnic table under a large oak tree. They sat down on opposite sides of the table, and Nick wasted no time getting right to the point. "So…where are you at right now with this?"

Sara put her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands. She wrinkled her nose and sighed heavily. "Honestly? I have no idea."

"Well, let's see," he said. "It's been…what? A couple of months? Sooo…I'd guess that you're past the 'why me?' stage, and I _know_ you're past the point where people ask you about it all the time. _That_ doesn't last long. But…they still look at you funny. Right?"

"Oh hell yeah!" she agreed. "It's like…I don't know…they want to say something, but…"

Nick laughed. "They're afraid you'll freak out or go off on them or something."

"Right! And you know what? Sometimes I feel like I just might do that!" she said, a defiant look on her face.

"Oh, I believe you," he said with a grin. "You never were one to hold back on speaking your mind about something."

"Yeah, well…" She grinned back. Then her face grew serious again. "So…" She averted her eyes, staring over Nick's shoulder at some children playing tag in the field behind them. "How long before…before the nightmares stop?"

Nick didn't answer right away. He thought about it a moment, looking down at the table and then back up at Sara. "Well…"

"Oh no…please tell me they stop," she interrupted, her eyes betraying a mixture of both disbelief and hope.

"Well…" he started again.

"Oh great. Just great. C'mon, Nick, give me something here. So you're telling me this will never be over for me?"

Nick had to fight hard to keep from laughing out loud at that comment. He hoped that she would never ask Grissom that question, because she probably wouldn't like his answer any more than Nick had. "Well…" he said for the third time, then waited to see if she was going to interrupt him again. When she didn't, he continued, "No, not really. Not entirely. I mean, it's always going to affect you in some way, Sara."

"Excellent," she said sarcastically. "So two years later and you're still…what? What's going on?"

He sighed and shrugged. "Depends."

"On what?" she asked.

"On the time of day…the type of crime…if I'm alone or not…everything."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like…it's like different situations trigger different reactions, you know?" Nick said.

"Yeah, I get it," Sara replied. "Like the parking garage. I still park on the street." She laughed a small laugh at herself. "Nine parking tickets later and I'm still parking on the street." She lowered her eyes, clearly not comfortable with showing what she felt was a weak side of herself.

"Hey, it's okay," he said, reaching across the table and taking both of her hands in his. "Sometimes I sleep sitting up in the recliner."

She looked at him, and he was smiling. "Really?" she asked. She had no idea that Nick was still feeling the effects of his experience in such a way. She ashamedly realized that she was one of those who had assumed it was over and he had moved on.

"Yeah…you know…if I've been lying there for a while and can't sleep. That…usually turns out to be the reason. So I just move out to the living room, and it works."

"And that doesn't bother you?" Sara asked. "That after all this time you still have to do that?"

Nick laughed. "Nah…it's better than the alternative, right?"

He squeezed her hands and she looked down at them. There was a long scar on her left arm from the surgery required to repair the break there. Her eyes followed it down to her hand and then to Nick's hand and then up his arm where she noticed, for the first time, a small cluster of little, round scars.

Nick's eyes looked to see where hers had settled. "Yeah," he said. "That was a bad spot. I just couldn't stop scratching." He let go of her hands and sat back on the bench. "So we've both got scars…inside and out. It just shows that we're survivors."

"I guess so," Sara sighed, sounding unconvinced.

"Hey," he said. "Remember that case in Pioche?"

"Yeah…little girl was missing."

"Right. And we were having breakfast at that picnic table…just like this," said Nick. "And you told me that I was rescued because it hadn't been my day to die." He shook his head. "It wasn't yours either, Sara." His dark eyes were shining as he continued, "Don't let it be. Don't live like it was. You've got a second _chance_, Sara. Take it and run with it."

"But…shit…it seems like I'm _always_ running away from things," she answered.

"There no shame in running away from something that isn't good for you. Just make sure you run toward something you love. It's what I do now. I never think about doing something later because later might not come. We were both lucky enough to have that pointed out to us in a very real way. Make something good out of it, Sara, before it's too late."

Nick was making it all sound too easy to her…that she could have whatever she wanted just by making the choice to go for it. "But…what if…" she started to say.

"Don't _ask_ 'what if?'" he said. "Just _do_ it and find _out_ 'what if?'"

Sara looked at Nick and couldn't help but smile and then laugh. There was no denying his enthusiasm. "So…what? You're saying I should live my life like it's my last day? And do what? Go skydiving or something? Isn't that a little cliché?"

"Only if you've always wanted to skydive," he laughed. "Do what's in your heart. Do what makes you happy."

"Okay." She nodded. "So I can quit my job, climb a mountain, join the circus, or go live in the jungle if I want?"

"Sure you can! Hell, you can even marry Grissom for all I care if that's what you want!" Nick grinned and winked at her. "C'mon…let's go. It's about time for me to head in to work." He got up and went around to Sara's side of the table, taking her hand and helping her up. "But anytime you need to talk, I'm here."

They stood looking at each other for a moment before Sara put her arms around him and he reciprocated, hugging her tightly.

"Thank you," she whispered.


End file.
